Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
