Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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