Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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