mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
