plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Couch. On fire.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
