I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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