When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
