Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
