you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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