I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
