just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
