Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(941): View more from Florida

Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".

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(309): View more from Illinois

I stole so many things from the ER last night.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?

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(503): View more from Oregon

Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.

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(707): View more from California

Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.

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(813): View more from Florida

Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.

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