It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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