It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
