I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
