i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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