You made me cry and you don't even care
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
