im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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