my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
