Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
