if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
