Me too!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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