ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
