I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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