yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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