giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
