y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's blow job season.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
