eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
