3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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