i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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