Pappa wants mamma naked
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
