I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
