I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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