I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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