I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
pray to the hookup gods
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
