worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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