when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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