i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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