Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're like the curious george of whores
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
