she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
