ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
