Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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