all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
