using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
