you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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