i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
