Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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