I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
