You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
