we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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