just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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